BrokenHeart

thats it. i give up. on guys that is. im tired of feeling so hurt all the time. i tired and failed. God. am i this naive? obviously.
i wish i didnt feel anything. feeling is a waste of time (romaticly). ugh! im so sick of this. or maybe its that my expectations are too high. im always dissapointed. you know how ppl say theres someone out there for everyone? bullshit.
i dont even think love is real. for me atleast. a person can only live so long in her imaginary world
i thought ...

i love my friends (in talking about my school friends). i would go insane w/o them but they need to stop with the emo jokes. im seriously getting pissed and idk wat to do about it anymore. i tell em to stop but they dont. then they asked me if i cut. i abviously said no but you could tell they didnt buy it. and then last night my mom lifted up my shirt and i totally fot got i had a new cut on there. i had to lie and thank the Lord she believed it!

my friends made me feel like the ...

the guy i liked wont stop popping up! and its always by these stupid friend connections that we have that i hear from him. how does he know all of my friends (and friends of friends)?! i seriously hate him right now. he got to leave. he got to meet new ppl and im here. im stuck with the same ppl we know (except for my bestie. i love her.) and its driving me insane to not break these freaking connection! i dont want to know about him. i hate him sooo much. so much that it makes me sick to my stomach ...

i really wanna cry. cant cry tho. i know that i'm going to break down eventually.

i fell like my best friend isnt there anymore. i feel so alone.

im tired of bening dissapointed when things dont go like i thought they would.

i wish i were in california. might seem weird. some of the best memorise are there. i remember crying at the beach and no one interupting. i got over the guy i loved there too. it felt so good to not flinch at the sound of his name ...

ugh. i cut again. i hate doing it.

this day was just kinda crappy. and it was building up from other days too. but what really sent me over the edge was my mom. she just got so mad at me! and im not entirely sure what i did. she just got pissed and yelled at me. and im always arrogent when shes like that so that doesnt help. but i felt like crying. so to not cry i cut. i wish i could take back all the scars tho.

only my best friend knows about this (and you who read ...