... end of existence so instead you'll smile and laugh cracking jokes that aren't even funny just because you would rather be dogged on for your horrible humor than have to sit in a loud silence.
How do you escape from the reality of being to selfless to ask for help but being to selfish for wishing someone would notice. Why would they notice.
Why would they notice your pills having changed in number.
Why would they notice that you're a little bit louder.
Why would they notice you ask for hugs more often than not because if you can't hold yourself together maybe someone else can.
Why would they notice that you try so hard to take care of them, give them medicines and presents and encouraging words because if you can't love yourself Why not love somebody else?
Why would they notice the fact that you hold them a little tighter and wish a little harder, why would they see that you fight a bit longer and apologize a bit more.
Why would they realize that you are running across highways and digging into your skin all for the sake of not being another hospital bill or causing them to spend money on gas.
You deal with the bruises because why not hurt so they can smile?
Why not take the pain and uncomfortable situations to hear them laugh and see them grin when they're down.
Why not say everything's fine when you're ready to cry because all you needed was them...a quick hug, a smile...a distraction. What ever happened to people noticing...then again did they ever notice the missing pills, the countless hours of sleeping in the middle of the day, the no I'm not hungry excuse because you think you've had too much already.
When did they ever look at you and ask what's wrong because they can tell by the way your face falls or the gleam in your eye has disappeared.
Why does nobody notice except you.
You always ask, you always notice, you always figure it out.
It's because you care right?
Well maybe they don't care.
They don't care that you hold their hands a little tighter when your scared or uncomfortable only asking about it as if it's an annoyance.
They don't care that your usual happy mood has taken a dramatic slide downhill and that you've stopped asking questions. They don't care that your hugs aren't as tight anymore and your smile not as real. But why should they care?
Why am you so important that they should care, that they should cry at your funeral, that they should hug you a bit tighter, ask you a few more questions, care a bit more, love you longer, miss you truly, and honestly care.