Monologuing

  • It's just good to have someone to talk to. Even if that somebody is... Me. 

    Thinking aloud to myself tends to become a conversation with random gestures and 'camera looks'. Ya know when the main character breaks the fourth wall as he looks into the camera, gazing upon the viewer with some look of fascination or disagreement? That's what I tend to do. Not saying I'm the main character on the show we call Life, but even side characters have a backstory with fillers, right?

    People who don't understand tend to become a bit sheepish. Others figure, "He's on the phone." Which is the main reason I keep a headphone in even when no music is playing through my phone. I find comfort in my words, learning to appreciate myself above others. The way I figure, talking my problems out does tend to help, even if it is with myself. There is something therapeutic about voicing your concerns to the universe.

    Which reminds me, I think I'm cursed! Haha not like the normal kind of curse, I mean like somebody might actually have went out of there way to wish bad intentions on me. I don't want to believe it but I feel the world deeply, especially when it comes to those I care about. The only evidence is my intuition, which is always right when I don't want to be and only wrong when I over think. Wait, DO I want to be cursed? Or am I overthinking again? A buddy of mine told me that maybe I feel that way because I believe it's true. He's so wise.

    The natural law of attraction, what you put in is what you will receive. I think Karma works in a similar way, I don't really know because I don't believe in it. Makes sense that it would be a real thing, but what do I know about Magi or the actual laws of the universe? Not much kid, not much at all.

    I do know one thing: I do not know anything. That is the only thing I truly know and is the main reason I dwell into readings and random information about any given topic. The only drawback to researching is I come out with more questions than what I originally had coming in. I would love to discuss any topic with someone as hard headed as me, only issue is, I get passionate about it and you know how dumb people are... We get loud because the louder you are, the smarter you sound. ( Can I get an Ex Dee?)

    Either way, popular culture is just not worth my memory space. Bro, I don't even vote anymore. Sad Face. I want to participate in jury duty but I never get called. I think I owe too much money. Like most Americans, I am in debt haha. Hospitals man, they got me fucked up. Tis why I refuse the drugs they want to hook me on. I only accept drugs from strangers! or through an acquaintance from a guy I met once. But that ain't me no more, it was roughly 2 months ago at the time of this writing.

     So I had a pint of my favorite IPA in the parking lot of the library. It was nice, I almost felt this uneasy tension to go out and grab a few more. I saved myself by bringing a couple of Jimmy's with me. So off to the park I went to have a nice smoke sesh under a tree. Afterward, I walked around the park, picking up trash and the likes, trying to air out that weed smell prior to going in the library. Haha I mainly went to the library because I figure it would be easy to make myself uncomfortable there and talk to randos and such. I was unable to muster any sort of courage as I walked the aisles of books. Luckily all the books I picked up and rifled through had some connection to my current situation and/or thoughts. Naturally, I started to laugh to myself and slowly began to talk to myself, as I normally would. Scaring away my future partner haha...

    I got this book, the title spoke to me, so I went to check out and boy howdy did I get infatuated with the Librarian. I needed a new library card, the one I had belonged to my ex (Begin eye roll) so I decided to make small talk, or at least I think that's what they call it. I wasn't hitting on her, or even flirting. I don't know how to do that, I just compliment if I like something your wearing or just try to exchange pleasantries because I love a smile. Anyway, I made her laugh multiple times, granted she was probably laughing at me, and of course, I'm not saying we had a connection, but it was nice. Wait, I did get daring and brushed my hand against hers lol she totally didn't mind it. She couldn't have been much older than me, maybe like a few years or so.

    who doesn't love a librarian? Books are great.