•     I don't know what to do to make others see me the way I want them to... Life was so much easier when I was invisible to everyone and when my heart was cold. But now that I've welcomed someone into my life it's hard to hide in the shadows when the sun hurts. I felt like I was gonna die alone in the shadows with only my thoughts to torment me until the end. Now I'm standing in the light with someone else and it hurts just as much if not more. The sun hurts and the voices in my head are screaming at me that this is not where I belong. 

       I just want to go back to feeling nothing, I want to go back to being cold. When no one cared I didnt have to be there for anyone. Now someone cares, and I step on all his toes trying to be what I think he wants. I love him so much, but I feel like I'm loosing him everyday. I feel like I'm nothing more then a maid and a slut. I clean and when he wants it I give it but when I want it he's not in the mood. I get sad because of my depression but he still gets upset that I'm sad. I pout to much and am sad to often. I need to break free of my emotions and feel nothing again then maybe I can be loved without judging them for loving such an awful freak.

                                                         I just don't know anymore...