(Rant) (TW) Everything Around Me

  • So, I think I messed up..... My parents have been divorced since I was two, and I lived with my mom until I was 12. Most of the time at her house, I was terrified. Her husband abused me verbally, physically, and emotionally for a large majority of my life, along with my siblings. Now even before this was happening, I was always..... different... I could never understand why though..... I dealt with this torture for 10 years which lead to me having tons of mental illnesses and other psycho shit. My mother never laid a finger on me. Yeah, we cussed at each other during fights, but we rarely had any. Anyways, flash forward to late September of 2017. Yeah, Not that long ago right? At this point, I'm living with my dad for "the summer". I was having suicidal thoughts and was self-harming almost every night because of everything. He and his fiance decided it was best to put me in the hospital because of this. I was upset because I was constantly alone and had no one. I get out a week and a half later, spent my 13th birthday in there too. My dad tells me he went through my phone and seen pictures of bruises on me sent to an old friend months ago. He tells me I have no choice but to live with him and drop all contact with everyone from the state my mom is in. I was pissed. To keep a long story as short as possible, he called a psych team on me. Timeskip to now, the court case has passed and my dad won..... He took my words and manipulated them to make the judge think my mom was bad. She CRIED during that case while he laughed. I no longer can see my blood siblings because they're with my mom. My father ripped a family apart just to get me back. He doesn't even give me rights! He is extremely conservative, and when I came out to him as being trans, he said to my face that he can't accept it and that I chose it. Another reason was because of his "morals". Buddy your so-called morals don't give you any reason not to give me simple human decency and call me your son. He punched a hole in the wall because after he told me to fix something on my own, I asked my brother to help me out a little. Then, he blamed their fight on me. He always does that though. And ye, he claims to love me after all the shit he did. HE left me. SHE didn't. HE fucked up the chance at me ever having a relationship with her again because HE put a restraining order on her and we can't talk without someone else being there. Sorry for the rant, I'm just upset.

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