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  • WHY DOES EVERY FUCKING THING I DO MAKE ME ANXIOUS. EVEN THE STUFF I ENJOY HJDNGKFBMV 

    For instance, color/winter guard. I reached my dream of making varsity in middle school but know everything i do intimidates me ughhhh. Before break, i did perfect barrel leaps but as soon as my instructor compliments me, im hit with anxiety and i mess up everything!! WTF! The only thing i can think about over break is how im not practicing guard or violin or ukulele or studying or cleaning even though its a B R E A K. Even when i TRY to relax the back. of my brain is just worrying about everything im not doing and whatnot even though i KNOW its not rational iergdkn BUT I NEVER DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. AND THEN i cant fucking sleep at night becuase for some reason for the last two weekss everytime i try to sleep i get hit with "What if your girlfriend doesn't love you the same way you love her? What if she's faking it so you don't feel bad?" etc. EVEN THOUGH I KNOW ITS NOT TRUE BECUASE SHES THE ONE OF FUCKING ASKED ME OUT 

     

    anyways im sad and anxious often and i hate it and i needed to rant f u c k