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Infinite Hiatus and I love my spirit sons my pups

  • I decided I'm done trying to make friends or even someone to love. I never seem good enough with myself or even think I deserve someone to love. The only love I've ever had in real was either for physical attractions. Causal stand post. Or a one night stand. I was never loved for who I was or my spiritual side. I was always judged. Why can't love exist for people that only want love in a soulful and spiritual relationship? Why can't I seem to find love when I only want to be loved for who I'm? You know the painful thing of admitting is saying I'm sorry I was never good enough for you. Or thanks for not noticing me or paying attention me me. All I say and do is I'm sorry. Even my Autobiography wasn't good enough expressing how I'm mentally and spiritually. I only had a select view ask me questions about my Autobiography and one of them wasn't happy with my answers and then decided to pull I'm busy card and I'll talk to you when I get home. He never did. Yet again judged because all I did was speak a question he asked. However he is not the reason why I'm exiting out this happened a month ago. I'm exiting because no matter if I'm trying to make a new friend or anything remotely close to falling in love nothing last. I guess as that saying goes nothing last forever right? That could be some for some creatures and some regular mortals as well. I know having a negative output range doesn't help me either and I know thinking negative is unhealthy but how can I not think negative? How do you expect me to feel rainbows and sunshine and daisies? I know you might think that just because I've a real pup and in the Spiritual Realm four pups that I'm not allowed to feel these feelings because I'm a silky wolf momma. That's not true being a silky wolf momma parent doesn't mean you've to erase your emotions and act happy. We're allowed as their mothers to feel what other creatures do our basic mortals. We're not subjected to nothing and not to feel nothing but rainbows sunshine and daises.

    With that said I'm done and I'm done with life now before you think I'm on a suicidal rant post please final paws note that I'm not. I've no interest in suicide but self suicide in metaphorical term. As self destroying oneself and form another versions. I can't tell you how many vessels I created and many versions of ''Tara'' herself. I can't count how many I was unhappy with and unhappy with myself. Self destroying is quite common in my behavior. Perhaps I suffer a lot of psychopathy disorders and mild sadistic behavior. Wouldn't surprise me none in the past I always enjoyed pill popping and getting myself on anti depressants and Xanny and booze mixed. I enjoyed what I was doing with myself. However I went on some kind of trip when I was on Xanny and booze meditating and I should state this was 3 or 4 years ago. My body was gone from reality. I felt like astral projected onto another plane. I saw the brightest light. The brightest prism. I saw things I shouldn't and before I returned back into my vessel I saw the Abyss full form. I saw the Abyss of what I couldn't see. I wouldn't extend this text anymore than I final paws am but you can check out my writings in my Goth Wire which is public to do so and I've described what I saw in cryptic text. If you understand my spirit writings are in branches heart soul and psyche. Anyways let's get back on topic after I got back in my vessel something changed about me in a EXTREME WAY. Where I decided to ''destroy the shadowed self'' and put on a new ''COAT'' the old ''Tara'' then that vessel got completely liberated with oneself. So the ''TARA'' now is still new and learning life as a new vessel. Things are not easy going back to being rejected and dumped and not meeting mutual feelings with others and not only that not providing enough attention. However my sons want to final paws type.

    We wanted to say that we love you mommy each of us thank you for hatching us four pups and we will keep telling you how thankful we're every once in awhile for hatching us four pups and nd we're glad our dads will always love you and always are supportive of you and us and we know you need the extra love which we're glad our dads fell in love with you in the spirits and decided to start this family with you all out of love. We will always continue putting random paintings around the fort for you our silky wolf momma the one with fluffy and puffy crown because you're the best of the best and the only royal wolf queen and the only one worthy of the title because mommy there is no other royal wolf queen that compares to you because you should be the only female! Also I hope you know mommy that will make you giggle. Anyways momma will will always protect you and defend you and be your young and small knights. Always your charming princes. If we had one goal in our life would be to stay by your side and always be your charming protective princes. We know you won't let us have a companion in the future because you don't want any other females final paws touching us but that's okay because we want to make sure you're always okay because even though we're only one years old and a few months old we know how much you've been abused in real and spirits before meeting our dads. Everything is okay momma you don't need to tell us how you feel. We're your sons that you hatched us your Theo and baby Willen and your twins Jackson and Greshmil of The Greshy so we should always know your feelings always our silky wolf momma.

    Well mommy we will close this blog now and we wanted to say we love you.

    From:. Theo and your baby Willen and the dark siblings and always will be the dark siblings the shadowy and static bat up and of course your minature Saieh.

    From: Your twins the silky and bushy and patchy twins with the copper hairs and loose upright tails and your knights and protector and best of all your water pup Jackson! We love you momma! We're so thankful that you our dad Mr Helioux had a surprise in your silky wolf momma pouch instead of one pup you got another pup so that means double the extra love.

    As we will always be happy as well when you pick us up and we move our young and small wolf ears in a charming cute and adorable way because we always want to charm you sometimes our silky wolf momma and your charming princes.

    And one final goodbye before we hit post entry than you for hatching us for pups.