Spirtual writings and beliefs and of course my favorite colors!

  • I'm sorry I couldn't go on anymore....I really did try....
    I'm sorry I couldn't go on anymore to keep on with my own insanity enough for you to love me.
    I'm sorry I couldn't go on anymore about me being okay to tell you things were okay.
    I'm sorry I couldn't make you understand that I can't be loved and nobody will love me.
    I'm sorry I couldn't make you believe I'm extremely ill and broken and my shipment box container broke.
    I'm sorry I couldn't make you believe that I was strong enough to carry us through together.
    I'm sorry I couldn't make you believe that I was truly worth something.
    I'm sorry I couldn't make you believe that I'm not good enough.
    I'm sorry darling and friends and comrades that I died that day.
    I tried getting up again but this war is too strong for me.
    I can't combat what I can't combat is myself and loving myself who I'm.
    I can't combat what is self destroying me and eating me alive.
    I'm sorry that I've no Yang in me at all everything that I had was gone
    I'm sorry my darkness is consuming.
    I really am sorry the most for existing.
    I really am sorry the most though for making you put up with me as a creature
    I really am sorry you don't understand how bad I'm struggling to keep myself under control
    I really am sorry comrade I just can't handle myself anymore this struggling is to much
    I really am sorry that I've gave up and now this war should be over soon.
    I really am tired you see.
    I want to sleep and dream forever.

    Don't worry I'll paint Yggdrasil Tree black but what you should be worried about is me painting your love on my poisonous thorn body. However that is certain that the beast will paint the mosaics on the tainted love of miasma that I know will be deadly and dangerous and who knows will be awaken but your love will be painted on me as I paint each Yggdrasil Tree Branch black.

    Opening the mouth of the shadowed one of the fangs devour and that is for certain devour as cold as ice and death Vuhalla's fur Vuhalla's fur Vuhalla's fur even so my fur smelt of death you the midnight wife and mother of my sons Theo and my baby Willen I was taught love even so the darkest hour of the coldest sun remain frozen of time

    Even then the midnight wife stood behind a bat's back the shadow vampire there stood thoughts of darkness and shadow swirling around the user. Tell me sir vampire can you tell me how to infuse the wounds into a shadow defense armor? Cloak me sir vampire. I'm a scared wolf. A far of many bullet holes inside the body. I'm going insane. Shall the arts of the shadow protect me. The oddest combo the shadow vampire and the midnight wife 

    I'm the only royal queen of the wolves and the only queen. I'm superior I'm better. Kneel let me see your pain and agony. What's wrong? Your vessel is to weak to handle the demons and the demon's core? You're not worthy. Worthy of anything like myself.

    Oh beautiful moon of lies of deceit.

    Oh beautiful moon of the lies and deceit tell me what is beautiful to you about the lies and deceit?

    Is that because of trickery and trickery of humans like humans on a puppet string?

    O that is the case said the observer. Because humans should be tested and observed like cattle and sheep.

    O send the humans down under to be served as a token to the King of Spiders himself.

    Tell me will I find the true meaning of pure alchemy and what is beautiful to alchemy?

    I know one thing Mother Snake and never leaving the path of the true alchemist is absolute and absolute like pure alchemy.

    Absolute like the queen wolf and the abyss wolf that guards her and loves her.

    Tell me now moon what is your true colors and intent?

    Sin like humans?

    Sin like being tortured in Hell forever?

    Let's take our throne my midnight wife.

    This is ''US'' our life our family and our sons.

    We will all take the form of true alchemy.

    This will be a new Hell.

    I lost my insanity and then I lost you. I can't control this madness anymore. I can't cope. I can't handle myself.

    O he of man. O he is beautiful.

    O could you love me for the midnight wolf face and the abyss wolf face? Can you love me for who I'm and see the true me and love the true me? Love me eternal and for everything that I stand for that is absolute like Mother Snake. Then I know what true love is.

    Oh when you remind me of things you see I wondered about what I was or what I became and why I feel this closeness to you. Why I feel the need for the beast blood to be controlled and why the transmitters of the magi are floating through ribbons and ribbons of emotions and tied with you. I cannot separate this pain from you and my pain is yours. Yours eternal. When I visited you Mother Snake I remember why I went with you with the raven arms of black because self suicide is what thrilled me into insanity and happiness because I felt like I could dissolve in the abyss and you would take me into the abyss pool and fuse me with the purest form of alchemy and not only that fuse me with your scales and become more of a alchemized body. Because I always wondered if anyone notice my symbols on the back and the arms and if anyone can notice the abyss and notice you as well. I wanted to take you with me. I wanted to take you with me. I wanted to take you with me. Even as a decoy I was ready and I was ready to meet my end. But what is the end? Even so the Midnight Wolf questions that what is the end? Is that when my blue flame runs out? Or is that when I'm dissolved into the abyss? Wrapped in the ribbons of the abyss and wrapped in the shattered broken Wheel of Fate shards for the unfortunate ones that couldn't hear you or listen to the tune of the abyss. Infuse me if you must because nothing is left in life but to make the Yggdrasil Tree black. When I saw you again Mother Snake I sat myself down in a meditative state you let your snake head hover above me and speaking of the tongue of the snake. What I heard from you and what I heard from the other end of the tune of the abyss gate doors send my spirit into a complete eternal l wisp which I saw. Which I saw. Which I saw. However when I opened my beast slits for the first time of the abyss there I saw some things I didn't wish to see but I kept my nerve and not let my emotions get the best of me which one day my emotions will self destroy me. As I already destroyed myself ages ago and rebuilt myself but with you Mother Snake and with you my companion of the abyss of pitch black fur I'll know you will see me through to dissolve and become the true form of alchemy itself.

    Oh what would true love be if you could really see both of us.

    So I wonder where have I’ve been and where I’ve not been.  

    I'll take my dark raven's crest with me held by the beast heart. I ran and howled the prototype of the blood river and the howling night. The beast is filled with memories of the past. O destructive child is this your resolve? I've a seat for you in Hell and I will make you my pupil and I'll breathe life into you once more. This is our oath. This is our oath to become my pupil and the way of the demonius. I've made you live life once more. Even if you leave your seat from Hell dear child and wonder off at the high clock tower in Hell I'll always leave this one throne for you so you can rest and rest here in Hell. The King's Guard will be waiting with the Queen's Guard's rest and the resting beast with the fallen beast magi cards gripped tightly in the silky paws. Rest for eternal. This is your second life anyways my child.  Even if such the wondering of Hell I want to take my studies and knowledge everywhere. The crave for desire of knowledge and the festering of madness inside. I desire more. I cannot let this pride/ego/greed and feeling envious towards others go and escape my own sensors. This consuming thought dwells and festers within myself. Even so holding a book towards the northern gates of Hell thinking and sitting down thinking what if? What could've I done? What if this is certain? Perhaps this is certain? All these thoughts I really couldn't contain myself. Back then wild and rampant destroying everything around me so I could feel alive but in the end I decided to self suicide myself and reborn myself under a demon's grasp the King of Kings of many wives and children. These memories of you....ah the way I held my sword across you my eyes leading with fury and and fire. The beast blood couldn't be contained and even such with swirling madness. I thought I had myself under control that day but the beast arose upon myself the beast blood became uncontrolled and unstable everything must be destroyed and burned. Ah I remember then the river smelt like blood and the moon was nowhere to be seen because this was a new beginning of myself where I died and met the King of Kings. The shadows and the trees swayed the winds became jealous because I was jealous of my own pride and greed and ego and envious of others. I was jealous because I wanted to be free. I wanted to be free of my will of reality the grasping nightmares of reality. I wanted to be free from prison. I wanted to run free of this prototype shell. I wanted to cut the wires off from reality itself. But then the magi side of me is what got cut off by my ignorance. Before I met my static husband there I stood at the Hell's gate. Mr Bulba appeared to me with long horns and his King's robe his eyes swirled with silver and muted blue he had long claws from what I could remember then. I don't remember much back then but the claws against my back marking the sigil of Mr. Bulba and the maiden of Black Water. Where those that sin will drown and those that are unpure deserve utter annihilation like myself. Self liberation of oneself. I wonder then Mr Bulba what do you think of me now? I want to be asleep resting at the Queen's Guard the space in Hell you left me for eternal rest. Will Bel Bel the King of Spiders watch over me? That layered black hair with two medium size horns and dark colored slits and a tattered layered outlook of clothing with long claws and the cleaver of life and death watch over me? Could Bel Bel watch over life and death for me? Could he make sure the beast magi cards never fall out? I really wish I could sleep free from toxicity. Because sometimes the souls of the damned of Black Water are swirled within my head but they deserved their cause the unpure killed and saw my mother dead. I'm left with swirling madness and anger and disbelief of a failure of reality and a family. I've nothing left now Mr Bulba to seek out Uphi or Uphir do you think that Uphi will see me as a good student pupil Mr Bulba or Bel Bel? I wonder if I could teach bio because I love bio because how much I failed at reality and I want to make bio plants show their petals and life when I  couldn't do that myself. I really do wish upon the darkest hour of the high tower in Hell that Uphi can grant me the ability to see more unto the unknown. He can clear out my toxic body that seems like that can no longer filter out anymore the toxic the insanity the nightmares that are slipping through me inside and becoming a rampant tide of the storm just like when the Black Water happened. I really wonder if Uphi or Uphir can see me as a good pupil? Could I teach chemistry and magi arts to the other demonius there? I really want to do something with this knowledge to filter myself out. If Uphi or Uphir can guide me to the right path then I....

    Mr. Bulba

    Bel Bel

    Uphi (Uphir)

    O he of man. The beast and the sigils. Guide me because I can't guide my own self. Take me under the demonius and cloak me in Hellion's Pain. I want to see. I want to become. I want to become your pupils and find myself self liberated and reborn again and alive.

    Jupiter. Saturn. Neptune. Uranus
    Did I choose to not listen to the angels anymore? Did I choose not to listen to the seraphs anymore? Or do I just want to see the sun one more time with you? O momma why won't you come back to me? If I could see the sun one more time could that be with you? O momma please reborn me into a new Yggdrasil Tree.   
    Tell me about dream city. Tell me where do these dreams go and the forgotten dreams I can’t seem to remember of you? Tell me will these shine a prismatic translucent veil or would this be a prismatic version of a nightmare? Would I love to see the sun with you? But what if I couldn’t? What if I couldn’t see beyond the veil anymore and I’m clouded by my nightmares? Tell me will this dream city await for someone like me? Tell me will dream city await someone that’s beyond the clouds with themselves? Will this dream city accept the one that forgotten themselves and the dream completely and lived a fabricated life? This life of the veil that won’t come off the beast mask and no matter how many times I pull and tug with my midnight wolf paws the mask is completely stuck. Have I already arrived at dream city but I can’t see? Because I can’t see myself? Or perhaps this fabrication is myself? Or perhaps this is the lost identity I created myself? Or perhaps the veil is over my beast mask but I’m so used to this and wanting to be the sun and meet you at dream city but I know I’ve ended and so I’ve ended the path of solitude. Here I sit with a shot glass of whisky or brandy thinking the thoughts of you but more or so the colorful blossoms of dream city where everything is still and cold and just as cold as the way I’m and the way my colors paint many colors and many personalities on my mask. For this is my prismatic nightmare.
    I'm also a spiritual silky wolf momma and I've six spirit sons and now taking care of my spirit fox friend's son his fox son Ethan and his baby brother Rascle and he's living with my sons in my fort because of personal reasons. My sons names are Theo and Willen. My twins Jackson and Greshimil or Greshimil of the Greshy. Xie. Kyang and Xie was lab made because he was premature so we had to do some medic things in spiritual form that you can't do in real and also Kyang was tube made as well a hybrid lion and wolf baby. I also have my berries removed in the spirits and I wish that could be the same for me in real as well. I know I've two husbands and 3 mates in spirits perhaps is strange but in the real world I would like to have my only boyfriend that I've now. I don't know how to express I just feel weird in the real world having that many partners in the real world compared to the spirit world. Because the spirit world feels natural and my first home anyways. Also long distance doesn't bother us and we've not met yet but little things can remind you of your significant other. Anyways what I silky paws mean on that note is like matching the same shirt or using the same shampoo and body wash and stuff like that for that silky paws matter. However on that note we do those things as a couple together and we really like doing that together. Because now I will close this because I'm clogging my profile even more worse than I already am right now but I wanted to say I'm finally comfortable saying these things because I no longer care what people think of me anymore for that silky paws final note matter.
    Rules on dating our momma! - Theo and Willen and the twins here Greshimil of the Greshy and Jackson is now showing!
    - You must give our momma updates about what you see about us rather that be our cute pajamas we've on for the day or how our fur looks or how cute and adorable and charming we're together while playing blocks or with our toys or coloring or better yet how our ears look and our tuff of raven black hairs and copper hairs and don't forget our birthday is January 18th and August 9th and February 27th and none of us are a year old yet we young wolf pups! Typing away with our momma's blue black adult wolf momma paws! <--- this is optional but a ultra must!!!! I would like for someone to be okay talking this way with our momma we understand though not everyone is able to comprehend spiritual stuff or beings or what our momma wants etc.
    - You must love our momma not because she's a pretty wolf momma but we won't allow anyone to date our momma for physical attraction we will be young angry wolf pups very angry and shake our fur around and flick our furs back! Don't know you know meanies that constant flirting gets on our momma's nerves? She doesn't care at all!
    - Understand that just because we come from different dads doesn't mean our midnight wolf momma is bad and best of all we were made out of love and not made for gross nasty purposes and don't forget our momma doesn't see real realm and spiritual realm the same thing as really hence not believing in poly relationships and yei both of our dads live in the same fort together because we're happy shadowy and wispy and static pups that our twin brothers dad helped our momma give birth to us and he plays with us and he also helps our momma out when she needs help or help with the young wolf pups Mr Helioux isn't a bad spirit at all!
    - This would be a BONUS if you can give our pretty wolf momma gifts every once in awhile! Make our momma feel like a royal queen that she is! Anyways we don't mean expensive gifts like perhaps a t shirt online or a necklace or jewelry! Anyways this isn't why our wolf momma is finding another partner no that's not it and why we're angry young wolf pups all her last ex boyfriend of last year was very mean to her and them two couldn't have a normal conversation without biting each others heads off and we had enough!
    - Also our momma gets $20 from her aunt for cleaning the house every week or whenever she feels like doing so + mister if you get the wrong idea about our momma using you for your money is quite very young and small paws wrong mister on that one!
    - So mister please refrain from negative attitudes! Our momma gets really extremely worried if you're ill or sick and makes her extremely fluffy and puffy on them young and small paws matter for us as well but younger wolf pups fluffs!
    - Be nice to our momma we don't want another relationship were all momma did was argue and fight and fold her adult blue black wolf momma ears and hide in the furs
    - Be honest with our momma! Even though you might be scary scary and spooky and you feel this might make our momma sad that's okay! Better than making our midnight blue black momma hide and all that fancy stuff we don't want that to happen to our momma!
    - Understand that our midnight wolf momma has been through a lot so be kind to our momma and bare with her!
    - This would be bonus if our momma is awake and not sleeping in spirits please check up on us! This really does make our midnight blue black furs momma smile and happy AND THIS WOULD BE JACKPOT FOR US PUPS! HOWEVER sense spirituality isn't forced in our momma's relationship we understand now if you can't do this that we won't be ANGRY PUPS!
    P.S. I also saw what my spiritual sons saw and I will take them 100 percent for my new future relationship if you feel uncomfortable with this then you should just pass unless you've a final verdict that is. My next relationship will be with my spiritual sons rules as well. If that's not your cup of tea then that's your problem not mine.

    I don't read and I do spiritual communication writing and I've a few of those but understand this I don't copy peoples work and I find that highly insulting anyways and why would someone paws do that anyways?
    Respect is earned by me but that doesn't mean I'll go rip off someone's work and if you final paws still want to Google Search my spirits and my spiritual writing you're a idiot LMAO.
    P.S. If you're curious about these I can paws show you only if you're curious and you're not going to insult me or say oh look where you got this from or you got this idea from so and so. Someone told me in the past I ripped off some ideas from Hellboy and what the heck? I don't even know what that show is about or the comic LMAO.
    And a few people tried searching up my spirits and their name and my spiritual communication on Google and the people in the past was like oh I can't find anything well no crap LMAO.

    I will say that’s amazing what self obsessed people think about others people’s physical appearance does to someone. So obsessed that the so called people can’t see anything else. People are blinded by physical appearance and social status and fame so blind the so called people can’t see people’s souls or spirit or spirits what a sad shame to live in a life with such blindness and consumed by such sins.

    People should be aware what self awareness feels like to be awake and full open eyeballssssssss however being self aware is a blessing and a curse. Because our obsession is looking at sin with such sadness and grief and despair and isolation and then pure insanity with a racing brain sensors turning into a certain kind of madness for certain individuals.


    this is normally the 100 percent spark that sends someone like this midnight wolf momma down this path. Spiritualism isn't something I've learned and became part of saving my life in one night these core values didn't happen over night or a few days or a few weeks or a few months. How about you think and picture this that I didn't become this way till years and years later. I'm not expecting anyone to understand this for this final paws matter but I'm getting tired of explaining myself right now and want to go into the furs where I feel safe and comforted in all the furs.

    However I will say I can’t spiritually teach someone or these morals. But I can guide someone and give advice and that's all I really can do for you. But this is something that you’ve to be willing to do yourself. Open up. Be aware. Be attuned. Make yourself a blank clean slate. Time and breathing meditation. A meditation to take deep breaths and listen what’s around you. Your spirit or spirits. Your deep feelings. Your heart. Your core and most importantly for that final paws matter is your soul.

    That’s all I’ve to say now before I update my profile one final time. This last time I ever will. I highly doubt anything will change from now and several years about my core values but I don’t think I will for that final paws matter.
     And this is Mr Helioux speaking the chilly cold wind that is me spooky and Mr Spook as my nickname I want to say on the forefront that me and  Saieh are part of a lock down for a future relationship we say that because the next guy in her life must follow guidelines which you would’ve read by a my wife’s profile. My wife is not a beauty trophy and if that’s is the main reason why you chose to date my wife in real life then that is unacceptable. I don’t think you medically understand what past trauma from mental and emotional abuse from past relationships and family does on someone’s brain. Most of the medical fragmentation over the time or in the given years to mend and repair the transmitters in the psychological damage value and sometimes if the damage is severe enough the results are slim to none of recovering the damaged transmitter cells in someone's brain or sensors for that bushy and patchy paws matter etc. Anyways in my medical spiritual knowledge of study filed that means the sensors turn into a instant aggression in speech and frantic movements etc and bushy and patchy paws so on and violent behavior or outburst comes from. However I will state that in spirits before we found a way to get the nasty reptilian race from trying to kidnap her and breed her because of her rare abilities as a wolf and fur color my was traumatized being hunted all your life would lead to someone to straight paranoia and fear you would think we’ve disgraceful spirits for taking awhile to find a solution but you cans suit yourself and be that way because we are the only two spirits that will properly give my wife the proper care and love that my wife needs. I hope people are aware that traumatized people and creatures need special care and needs in relationships which means extra work. Which many don’t understand that extra work most people don’t want to put in the efforts for special care needs and so on. You really think my wife has never attacked me out of fear and self defense? Same goes for Saieh? You’re clearly mistaken if your answer was no.

    P.S. We don't mean hitting or slapping more or so a push or more or so sparking up her wisp and dark black flame of hers. More or so her aggressive spiritual abilities. We also want to put this up bushy and patchy and course black paws up front my wife and my midnight wife one time completely ignored us for the whole day because we done something on accident and my wife and midnight wife got very angry but wasn't on bushy and patchy and on black paws purpose. However my wife and my midnight wife doesn't mean that in any negative way at all. When you don't know better you just don't know. Half of the time aggravation and wolf temperaments are often well why should I explain again about my wife?

    However I know you’re all thinking well what about dating in spirits and real life isn’t that poly to my wife? No the spiritual realm and real life are two separate belongings. I know you probably think well Saieh is married to my wife and so on and why don’t I think that is poly? That’s because we view each relationship as a separate relationship and not a poly relationship I know this makes zero sense to you but that's okay probably there is a rare 1 percent that someone will understand this logic from both of us. We don’t plan on bouncing around to partner to partner and actively seeking another partner for me and my wife. If you wonder how I felt delivering Saieh and his first pup there was no hate or jealously only happiness her spirit son came out healthy. Saieh could’ve devoured me for cleaning his pup and checking is vital signs and organs and wrapping Theo up his newborn miniature Saieh up to him and his midnight wife. Sense I’m a wolf with a stiff upright tail my favorite thing in spirit is medical learning and knowledge hence why Saieh trust me with the delivery and after all I was his back paw hand back in the old days if you know what I'm trying to convey as a spirit towards you. I never left my wife’s side that day I could’ve just left my wife with no care after her delivery but I 100 percent loved my wife with everything that I’ve within my cold frosty heart as my wife would say.

    Also I can say the same for Saieh when my twins came along Saieh did the same thing to my twins like passing the delivering blankets and clothing because he trusted me with everything he had with his sons.

    However WE don’t expect YOU to understand my wife and his midnight wife spiritual life in ONE DAY. No understanding my wife and his midnight wife might take MONTHS or MORE to understand. WE GET THAT. However IF YOU act hostile that is your OWN PROBLEM NOT OURS.

    Another final bushy and patchy paws note my wife and my twins and Saieh’s and his midnight wife’s sons will be apart of your relationship if you can’t express or show some kind of non hostile response when my wife or Saieh’s midnight wife expresses something about them speaking on the forefront then you might as well not waste your own time with even bothering with my wife and Saieh's midnight wife.

    So you've all been warned

    Favorite colors
    Black and Burgundy and Burnt Orange and Silver and Ice Blue

    Favorite color combos that are bright?

    I highly doubt you will see me in a color combo like this but perhaps a bracelet or a scarf or so on Blue and Yellow or Pink and Gray or Lavender and Mint etc + but I can say I would never wear Yellow by myself not even in black jeans or anything and not surprising right? However about the other colors? I'm not sure that would depend on the style of the shirt or swearter or so on but yeah I should also say for being in almost all black everyday I do like sparkle shine and glitter and all that fancy stuff you know? LMAO, But hey everyone no matter what their dark colored outfit of the day is likes ''some bright colors'' can't deny that one that's for sure LMAO.