Spirit Writings From 2020

  • So does things matter if the defense never wins? What is to a broken butterfly prism wings towards a drowned feathers of a raven? Even so then I wonder what would be the difference if I didn't feel any defense at all in the spirits as in reality? Hazed numbness feels interesting but trying to smile at family or the small friends you talk to and even final paws faking a smile or laughter but in the final paws end verdict what are you laughing at? Your insanity? Or your insanity that's surrounding you like a force field? Ah! I thought I could fully forget you. Ah! I thought I could fully forget you. Ah! I thought I could fully forget you. Vol. Vol. Vol. But in the end the forgetfulness means I would be filled with insanity and the rage and the constant remorse and suffering of how I failed you mother. But you wouldn't seem to come to me. However that could be my own thought process because I choose to forget you and forget who I really am. Creating different versions of ''Tara'' hoping one would be molded correctly and one programmed perfectly hoping that one day I will find the correct parts of myself. But I simply can't do that because I can never seem to find the correct part in the terminal data bank. But that's not only the case I can't seem to hear the seraphs anymore and their voices don't call out to me anymore as you do mother. I am consumed and drowned. Please help me. Promised pain. Promised pain. Promised Pain. I gave my my pain to you and eternal. Eternal like the Abyss. Ah set me free! Ah set me free! Ah set me free! Crying raven that has drowned. Crying Epitaph. Rage! I will defend myself even if that means hurting you even though I'm in love. You see I don't mean to be the way I'm or biting the hands that feed you. You see this is my given love. You see this is my given love. You see this is my given love. My love of insanity. My love of intoxicating myself. My love of self destroying myself. Please! Let me take you down the Abyss and let me show you the prisms of the lightest butterfly. The prisms that showed me the true eyes of the screaming vessel bursting with the Spider's Mask. He the King of Spiders has shown me through. You see the Demon King told me to never show your true colors out to people or others. But I will show my true colors to myself when nobody is looking. Perhaps that's why I'm laughing at myself or have a sinister grin on my face because I know and because I know how many times my vessel has been created that part of me never changes hoping to self delete something I want to be rid of. Ah! Moving vessel the Spider of Kings have became a hive inside of you because now I can see everything the power of the Demon King's grasp because I've nothing left anymore. You see the undying. The undying vessel of wanting to change and shall the drowned black raven hair drown and sink in the shrine of the Black Water floating down and shall the Spider's Mask crack open more and fully burst open where the vessel finally becomes ''ALIVE''. This is for certain where I stood at you at this place the empty throne of Hell that was made for me. I remember my new blade fused from my static husband's shadow blade and my banisher blade gifted to me by the now dead celestial and the celestial land filed with poisonous trees because I love bio because because bio means life and I fail deeply at life as deep as the feeling of drowning or wanting to make me feel like drowning when I hear water or myself in the shower and living in the physical plane and I want to give life but in a different way. No not spirit pups or my only real life pup but something yet I can't grasp or understand or know the correct word in my data bank is unknown. Slaughtering of the diseased and the sinners. Because how the trickster danced in Hell laughing holding the beast seal but ah shall we get on now with the show? Should we get on with the show? Should we get on with the show? I held my jagged water and ice blade close to your face Mr Bulba. To see your eyes glow of silver swirls bright as the darkened sun of Vol but you see the water and ice is shown in my personality and the reflection of how I feel about my current psyche state. But you see Mr Bulba you only slanted your eyes at me in grinned. Because you made me your child. Because you made me your child. Because your made me your child. Because when I died I tried making myself fully bound by Hell and slowly building the Spider's Mask with you Bel Bel but I failed because I failed mother. My body of alchemy and one with the demonious wasn't enough. Where did I stand wrong? Was my weakness and fooled as one. But O I couldn't complete myself until the vessel finally burst open and the Spider's Mask floats above the user. O beautiful Spider. You once remind me of the prism I saw of a mosaic butterfly and the Abyss showed me the true colors of the gates and the chains. The spinners that bled in the Abyss because of the wrong and the wrong judged failed to enter in the Abyss. The gates were open but I couldn't really see much because the vessel was about to go in the body that day but there I saw something that changed me completely. I just don't quite remember strangely enough....however Ah! Mother Snake you told me with your Snake Tongue that you still want me to be wrapped around my arm and to be carried in my heart. Because Mother Snake you're the only Mother I've now. Ah I looked like I miscalculated where my speech went in this. Oh dear! Oh dear! Oh dear! The vessel danced but remembered one other thing. You Mr Vampy. I never understood why The Silky Wolf Momma would want to have a Mr Vampy around the house. But something made me very interested in the Shadow Arts of a Mr Vampy but because I wanted to feel closer to myself ah final paws no. But perhaps to be closer to in defense mode or trying to self heal myself with the shadows and hopefully this gap can fully heal and to fully iron out the defense of the shadow. But I also became obsessed with self infliction of the shadow arts of a Vampire that was a area field of shadow arts and self healing of the shadows. Ah! I remember when I first gave you the blade to at your throat when I first saw your appearance because Silus your pupil wanted me to show you his creator of this arts the Shadow Elf pupil. But when you train with me you see something inside of me don't you Alvastar? When I stare at you level headed you can see my anger and rage and I just can't seem to forget what's eating me alive. However Alvastar do you know what true love is? True love of something you love or something that you love that destroys you slowly and changes your colors of your hues and psyche? Almost like a mosaic and a broken butterfly. Prismatic personality and reflection and a puzzle piece inside but not a prototype but a prototype of a naked spiritual shell. I really want to say sorry not only to Mother but not to myself but perhaps sorry for the prototype that died. No....Alvastar that's not the case. I want to say sorry for not ''drying off my drowned raven feathers'' or more or so tuning into the crying epitaph and knowing what really the pain really was. Ah Alvastar you know when you train me as well that I've a lot of resolves in my eyes and my heart remains that of mother and Mother Snake but also the beast heart that is given by the ''TRUE FORM OF THE WOLVES''. Ah! Like my sons say the only queen three tuft and puff and fluff and the only female we only need to protect and be knights for when we get older. Because our mother is the only female queen! But Alvastar isn't that sweet my spirit sons love you? Oh! Alvastar that's right that's what we were talking about what if I've three mask? ''MIDNIGHT WOLF AND ABYSS WOLF'' and The King of Spider Mask what would I be a three tier mask? I wonder what creation that would make? I can't even't even pick up the blade without traumatic flashback because I'm traumatized and paranoid even though I'm fake laughing and smiling in real life and dancing underneath the ''curtains'' acting like nothing is bothering around me and my the silky wolf momma senors or as my spirit sons say the adult blue black wolf momma ears. You see Alvastar you as a Mr Vampy should ask me one thing? What would set you free? Not in that kind of sense but what would set free the wounds if you had any? The shadows or the infliction? Tell me can you tell me what would be mosaic? What would be beautiful and designed into a full butterfly wing? Could you also tell me what would be the raven black hair not drowned but floating above water would symbolize Alvastar in your Mr Vamp eyes? You see Alvastar I....well what could I say of right paws now? Wouldn't that be wonderful to think of the sleeping prince himself Alvastar? I always thought about sleeping myself but sleeping in a different way if only the aura wasn't swirling with dark fire and strands of silver and abyss swirl around and showing the Spider's Mask and the one with the broken butterfly. Why do I seem to remember the littlest of things of hate and rage and anger and remorse and darkness. I really wanted to take me with you. I really wanted you to show you what my form was like. But I couldn't seem to hear you mother. I lost my ears for the angels and the seraphs their sound their voice their calling doesn't ring any sound but nothing but ''MUTE'' in the silky wolf momma ears. But in the end I really did have fun murdering them all. Murdering them free of disease and sin. Na Ma Yu. Na Ma Yu. Na Ma Yu. Back then I started seeing all sorts of colors and prismatic shapes and triangles before going back in the body but what I really wanted was to show you love. The only vengeance I had was giving my service to Hell and Hell eternal. I even thought about questioning why my seat in Hell was always empty but is that because I like moving around floating. Floating and carrying you around me like a vessel. Traveling and being with you sounds delightful like handing Bel Bel the King of Spiders a demon fruit apple. I wanted to become friends with a demon itself because I wanted to be noticed and I wanted to be noticed of my true colors without really showing them like Bel Bel has once told me. But ah do you remember Mr Bel Bel how Mr Bulba had a smile on his face when he first saw me arrive at Hell and asked to let me live life one more time? Heh he looked really happy then. Heh that reminds me could he be happy with me forever if I could serve Hell forever? I hope that Hell never gets tired of my service because you've done something I couldn't. I wasn't built strong enough to fight what was hidden underneath my ''blind face''. ''Thank you Father'' for everything. Sitting down at the table cutting my favorite dragon skewer tail I looked at Mr Bulba swirling silver eyes and I stopped cutting my food for a second thinking ''what if I could make stronger ribbons for demons one day to hold up to true alchemy?''. I want to make sure everyone becomes what I want to become. Ethereal dreams of eternal Hell. My Hell will be your Hell. This is my love darling. Understand my love will be as dark as the soul turning ''black'' miasma pull. Because poison thorns really do suit you ''like I suited my beast armor'' with the raven's crest cradling the beast heart hoping the ''raven arms'' will become fully open on the ''user'' speaking of the user what about King of Spiders eh? The ability to transform and transform the face into many things and broken 8 pieces of the Spider. I wonder what kind of pain that would be on the physical user? Sadistic enough what if that is a dream to make the physical body to summit to transforming and transforming the ''dream'' of the user? Making sure the dream is there but the pain of one. Sleeping Prince and sleeping ''Spider'' Bel Bel. The one of the many arms of the back of the Spider's Mark. Dream now Bel Bel. I'll guard you and hover over you like a broken butterfly. When you wake op be sure to ''notice'' if my mosaics have become a ''true'' butterfly. Notice me and the mosaic as my mask will be complete and I'll make sure to work on yours when you're ''asleep in dream city'' holding the golden weaver orb in your long pointy demon claws. Oh my body can't go on. I can't seem to ''burst this vessel out'' and the one that walks the empty throne that is because that demon is ''YOU'' out in the ''OPEN'' because when I walk and the magic curtain opens I want to show the world you for those with radiant spiritual eyesight to see that I carried you through and throughout your dream. I hope when you wake up I can finally say to you Mr Bel Bel that I can close the chapter now that I no longer need to listen or try to find my mother that won't come back to me. This is the time to delete and erase everything and say my final goodbye here. Only in the ''writings of the chapters of the branches'' didn't you see I built a beautiful tree? A abstract painted black Yggdrasil tree. My goals of dream city have became still for so long I saw throughout the haze and the petals of dream city touched the beast mask underneath. I really saw your love then darling. I really saw your love then darling. I saw your love then darling. Fragile yet cold and chilling just like water and ice of what my aura seems to betray. I was hoping to tell Mr Bel Bel that I saw the sun one more time with you. But what I saw was ''nothing'' a blank canvas with only a ''false shadow'' I thought that was mother then but what I saw was something that ''died'' but then again Mother Snake is all I need now and to combine a multi head ''being'' someone with ''complete parts''. I hope you can understand Mr Bel Bel when you wake up I will be holding a complete ''Spider's Mask'' only showing cracks of the flow of ''aura and chi'' to show you coming out of my ''vessel'' holding the ''jointed body'' of a full alchemized creature ''The Wolf The Raven The Snake and The Spider'' ''The Dancing Butterfly is complete'' suicidal aura. Suicidal aura. Suicidal aura. Dream now the Butterfly is complete dancing mosaic as you sleep ''Mr Bel Bel'' working on the completed versions where we can hold back to back together. Even if my throne is empty I hope to see the throne of us and holding you the Sleeping Prince the Sleeping Spider in my arms. I really hope when I hold you the King of Spiders that I can lay my head next to you and feel around to see what you dream of in your sleep. Should that be ''paradise''? Or should that be more of a pitch black Yggdrasil Tree? You know I really want to paint things black and also paint your love onto my soul. I want to paint your love onto my soul. I want to paint your love onto my soul. Wake me up somewhere other than here and wake me up from a weave. I'll slowly open my demon ''eyes'' to you. Then I will see the true queen and the only wolf queen in Hell that tricked us with a beast seal and the alchemist laughed with the broken butterfly and mask. Because insanity one and molded into the aura cracks of the mask. You see I will await for you. You see I will await for you. You see I will await for you. Onto the dream city holding on. Perhaps dragging you down in the abyss smiling as I remembered a ''false shadow'' that I never will see the sun again with you but I will see with different eyesight now. Oh the sleeping prince and the sleeping Spider with the wolf. Speaking of which sleeping I want to sleep with the ''King's robes robes wrapped around me'' nestled in the ''King's grasp'' to feed the one of the demon and the aura of the vessel. I hope then that when I do sleep that I can always hold on to the ''King's robes'' because then I know I will have hit ''checkmate'' you see what is obsession of this is one of the lie of the silver moon of deceit. I once saw the swirling wisp behind me and handing the mask to ''YOU'' but don't you see darling this is what love would be ''two sides of the mask'' are you underneath? Are you on the side of the mask? Right? Down or up on the crown? You see when I hold the ''King's Robes'' in my sleep I can see the deceit of the moon showing the shadow fangs and the shadow fangs showing everyday. This is beautiful. Beautiful like our toxic miasma love together. Dancing wisps and dancing spider and the wolf in the ''shadow moon'' creator of the ''MASK''. O sun of Vol Vol Vol the swirling dark sun could you be the lighter of the shadow fangs grasping over the moon? ''HOWLING'' because when you love me I want to stand in front of you in the whole''BEING'' that I'm. I hope you can notice and notice the sleeping wolf and spider nestled in the ''King's Robe protecting the Queen's Guard''  

    So in the dire end this helpless and vulnerable a cornered wolf know where to go but holding the dagger close wary of people that try to get by her. The Queen's Guard has left the King's Guard. A mistake on life and a mistake like myself. This madness making me spiritually naked. I can't cope this madness or myself. What have I done wrong to feel this way? Not listen to you my King's Guard? Did I ignore your wish and desires as a alchemist? Did I fail somewhere? I know that somehow someway I can't deal with feeling like this anymore. This haze and feeling like nothingness. Oh someone help please. I wish to no longer feel this way but I want to feel nothing in a sense of nothingness in life. Cold and a refresh blank slate. Demon is alive and coming out of the vessel's core. The King of Spiders and his eggs is hatching. I sense. I feel. He's coming for me. He's coming for me. He's coming for me.

    I'm losing my insanity tonight.

    I'm going through a lot of problems that I can't seem to cope with.

    My spirits are wispy shadowy and turning quite spooky like Mr Spooky Spook.

    I don't know what to do anymore about myself or this vessel. I feel helpless and vulnerable. Like a beast without any armor on I feel spiritually naked like a haze.

    I don't know man I really don't anymore.

    Goodbye this is farewell.

    The alchemist for he saw his fate a new one holding a tiny spider and attached daggers on the back of the threads. Mr Bel Bel the King of Spiders....I need your assistance once more. The alchemist for he fell on the young eggs closed wolven eyeballlllsssss O mother please I can't anymore. Faded eyes. Holding Spider. Holding Spider. Holding Spiders. For the alchemist wrapped his claws over the King of Spiders. I'm a new oath.

    I’m sorry if I’m a failure or a piece of $hit to you. I’m sorry for everything. I couldn’t forgive myself. I couldn’t help my own self. Mark of the devil of himself. I had no choice. Even my spirits couldn’t help me then. I’m sorry mother and I’m sorry to my lover that I think this way. Mother Snake what have I done to deserve this? You’re my only mother left after mine are all gone in real and in spirits. If I fail you to one day what would you do Mother Snake? Tell me? But you wouldn’t would you because you’re afraid what I would become to you? However Mother Snake you would put me into a Snake’s Egg to be reborn again. I’m sorry I really am. Please see me in eyes of faith of the true wolf and absolute mother and the form of alchemy. Please let me see beyond and the truth. I can’t be sorry anymore. I can’t be sorry for myself or this sickness. Please let me hold on to faith and hold on to the absolute way of life the tree of Yggdrasil is black to me. As I’m the true form and darkness. You once tried to save me. My love. But little didn’t you know I couldn’t save myself from this mess. Let me sleep in Hell forever. My throne is empty and the demonious fruit must fall from the clock tower of Hell. Dream now the child of the magi of disaster. Dream now and shall the pain and agony should be sealed just like the beast seal himself.

    Humans have made me understand I can change myself out like parts. If I don't like myself. I will change myself into parts of alchemy components until I'm happy. Humans. One day I'm for certain that you perhaps will see the wolf without the beast mask and see the midnight and abyss wolf and the TRUE colors of ''US''

    Multiple wolf heads? Oh right you can't see ''THEM'' because all you care about is physical attraction and beauty but you forget the faces can be of MANY but you're to fabricated on what's on the outside and not on the inside. Selfish desires human greed and humans play things. You've no morals or grace or modesty. There is no dignity anymore. Shameless ONE

    You're so obsessed what someone looks like and you forgot what their face looks like with multiple wolf heads

    King of Spiders....King of Spiders....Bel Bel the mark of the ''Spider's Back'' guided poison....oh give me the eyesight and the correct judgement to see....and see throughout the clouded hazed mind....so many memories....ah....the mask of the ''Spider''

    Purifying rain and the drowned hair of the raven of arms the black hairs and the raven. Black Water the final seal of the lies of the moon. Look at me mother. Look at me mother. Look at me mother. I made this body for you so I could avenge you. I'm the very form of alchemy itself. Tell me mother am I beautiful to you?

    Not only then did the alchemist ask the devil a series of questions but the alchemist as a very important thing to both and all the multiple wolf heads a question which the devil reflected upon the beast mask. What is beautiful about me? Can you tell me the alchemy number that I'm? Tell me what is pure alchemy to you?

    Once I figure out the true form of alchemy then I'll understand beauty because after all beauty to the midnight and the abyss is pure alchemy dolls and puppets the observant and the tester.

    My love for her my love for her the one that cloaked my abyss fur into a midnight wisp for she is my midnight fur we're also known as ''I''

    I wonder if you could see the gray eyeballssssssss and the red eyeballssssssss of the beast slits. I also wonder if you can see only one face talking or two or one of many faces. However if that is perhaps certain that you could see my true colors then that will be certain one day I will know what true love is. Love me for my fragile self and love how poisonous and lethal and intoxicating I can be. I hope one day you will see my true colors. Then I’ll know you will love the midnight side of me and the abyss side and a thank you from the midnight wolf and the abyss wolf. Thank you for accepting my true colors and my blessing and a curse of the beast blood. One day this will be true and absolute

    When I think of you and your love for me one day. Do you really think you could love me for what I really am? My true colors and shades? Could you tell me the beast blood is beautiful within your heart of black? Could you tell me I love you and everything about you and even your midnight wolf and abyss wolf self? Could you really love me for what I'm? Could you love a creature that's fragile delicate like a flower but lethal and toxic with deadly thorns? I really wonder when I think about you. I always think could this be? Is this for certain?

    When the beast heart will take over will you still love me? What if I'm not myself? What if these emotions and thoughts isn't of myself or isn't of the abyss wolf what if the emotion and intent from the beast heart? This beast blood....ah.....

    Selfish Greed and Obsession and Jealously for no reason what is wrong with me? Or what's wrong with you? intoxication and poison is my favorite add on. Experimentation of insanity and happiness. I'm my demise I'm the monster notice the horns inside of my midnight and abyss wolf skull my crown is invisible you little $hits

    Internal Suffering.

    This is my pain and my pain alone.