Blogs » My childhood (Bullying, Abuse-Tired of being quiet)

My childhood (Bullying, Abuse-Tired of being quiet)

  • This is my story, about my childhood. This is not to grab attention, but to hopefully help others, who have been abused, who have been bullied, who want to tell their stories but are too afraid to say something. And plus, to be honest I'm tired of keeping my mouth shut, and tired of letting it linger in the back of my mind.

    This is not a big pity party or me saying,"I want you to feel sorry for me!". The only thing I ask, is to let me tell my story, that's all I've been asking, and if you want to read it, go ahead.

    By the way,If you want to tell your story, speak up, tell someone!!!!
    And you can comment whatever you want, I'm putting my story out here basically for you to read, and like I said tired of keeping it under wraps and so on. And you know again, you can tell me about your story, if you've ever been abused or bullied, or have gone through something extremely traumatizing in your life.

    P.S, Before I start, I just want to let you know, if you want to post a negative comment, calling me names or whatever, go ahead.
    I really don't give a fuck, whatever makes your day. I've already been called alot of horrible names, for even finally telling the police what happened.

    But, DO NOT attack other people, if they want to tell their story, seriously, the world is a fucked up place, people suffer everyday.

    People are scared to speak up, so when they gather the courage let them tell their story. If you want to say anything negative, direct it towards me.
    I already know how it feels to regret telling the truth, believe me, but was I going to suffer silently anymore? FUCK NO!! I'm glad that I finally told, and I'm glad that people now know what pieces of shit I've had to deal with all my life.

    So if you want to say something negative, say it to me. You are entitled to your own opinion. You'll just be wasting your time to be honest, but if you want to go ahead.
    Just don't say it to someone else, who is brave enough to finally speak up.
    Sorry, but this is not gonna be sugarcoated, in any way.

    Ok, now that I've said everything else, might as well get down to what I've been wanting to write.

    Ok, so the bullying started in 3rd grade, however, the dysfunctionality of my family started earlier, just to let you know.

    Arguing, fighting, all that good stuff. Anyways, it was a few girls, you know, calling me ugly, and such, and then it escalated, pretty soon, not only was i getting bullied in the elementary school, I was getting bullied in both the middle school and high school as well. Another notable incident, was a game made up about me, called Ashlynn-touch.

    Basically it was the equivalent of the cheese touch from Diary of a Wimpy Kid. I was the cheese basically, that lasted until i was in the sixth grade.

    Kids were afraid to touch me, and no one wanted to be my friend, and basically the looks I would get from people would be sneers, people laughing or trying not to puke.
    Did the teachers give a damn? No! If I told them, they would be like "Ok", or if they did decide to do something, it would only make things worse. So that was a useless option.
    I basically had to numb myself to everyone just to survive getting through a day.

    The bullying kind of died down in middle school, thank fuck.

    Of course, you still had your typical few assholes. I remember this group of dudes who would bully me everytime I went into the library.
    I basically said fuck it to making any new friends, and just tried to push on from there, just thinking of the end in sight. The bullying died down gradually over the year.

    I switched schools in 7th grade. Getting called ugly to your face, makes a good first impression doesn't It?

    The school years following were a shit show basically. It was pretty much the same bullshit, except, more disgusting.

    One rumour was apparently people had a video of me masturbating in the girls bathroom. Yeah, seriously! And one dude said he was going to make me play with myself. He said that in front of everyone in chorus class. Just beyond disgusting, I was so done.

    The bullying continied on and ende up dying down in high school, thankfully. I don't hear anything from anyone anymore.

    Now, it's time to talk about the abuse I've gone through. This story isn't over yet, so keep reading.

    From as far back as I can remember, my family had some form of dysfunctionality. My mother and father fighting and such.

    When I started to gain weight, that's when my brother, (I don't consider him my brother anymore, just to put on the table, he is dead to me, you'll understand why), he started to make fun of me. When the economy fell, we had to move into a shitty trailer, and the dysfunctionality increased.

    The fights between my mother and father increased, one night I even saw him punch her in the face, breaking her nose.
    And the monster, started finding new ways to cut me down.

    He would make fun of me in front of his friends, and call me names such as "Ugly bitch!", "Fucking pig", "Worthless motherfucker!", and so on. That wasn't even the worst of it, since he was stronger than me, he would beat me up and stuff.

    That wasn't even the worst of what he did to me. To sum it up, I became his own personal sex-doll.
    He took my virginity at the age of 7, I still remember the night it all happened.

    It was a couple of days before Christmas, I had just got done decorating the tree.

    It was bedtime, and I was scared to sleep alone, so he let me sleep in his bed,

    I closed my eyes, and then all of a sudden, I felt his hand touching me, and then sliding into my shorts, then going into my underwear. It felt disgusting, and I was scared.

    I didn't know what to do, I said NO to him, he kept telling me it was ok, he pulled everything off me, and got on top of me. And you can imagine what happened after that.

    It hurt to walk the next morning or even use the bathroom.

    At the bus stop, he said if I told anyone, he would kill me, and also even if I told that no one would believe me.

    The next 6 years, were hell for me. Everyday it would be bullying, on top of broken family, and along with being ridiculed and toyed with by him.

    I truly felt as if I was alone, like I was trapped and couldn't escape, i couldn't escape from anything at school, and I couldn't escape from anything at home. I was severely depressed and didn't know what to do.

    I felt so insignificant, from the bullying at school, to the fighting at home, to the monster basically telling me I'm a disgrace, that he wishes we weren't related and calling me every name in the book. Then telling me to go to his room and take my clothes off and wait for him.

    I felt so alone, I didn't know what to do. I decided, that trying wasn't even worth it, I numbed.myself out to everything, and let all of it happen to me.

    Everytime I fought back against him, he would make the sex more degrading. He would call me a whore and a slut. He made me do horrible, disgusting things, and just would hurt me every chance he got.

    Everything ended when we moved away from each other, he decided to stay with his friends, and me and my parents moved away.

    The bullying and the fighting continued on, but i was so thankful that I didn't have to be forced to have sex with him.

    A couple of summers ago, he came back down, and I blame myself for letting him touch me again everyday. When he came back, all the memories came back at once, and I was scared of him, I felt so powerless around him.

    He took advantage of me for the last time, i finally decided to tell someone, and the police got involved. However justice was not served.

    When I told, it was too late, and it became a he-said, she-said case. It was my fault for not telling someone sooner. I kept weighing the options heavily, i didn't want to tear my family apart. But at the same time, i didn't want him to use me for his sexual fantasies and pleasure anymore.

    I was so glad i finally told, everything from start to finish, and that people know what a piece of shit he was, and he no longer is in my life.

    He can go fuck himself!

    Thats all I can really say, the ending is not storybook, but i'm grateful, for it. He is no longer allowed in my life, and my parents are working with each other, sort of.

    Thank you for taking time to read this, and like I said, you can comment whatever you want.
    Supportive or negative, you are entitled to your opinions.

    I'm telling this because I hope that anyone else who is being abused or being bullied with tell someone, and not suffer in silence any longer.