Theres a boy

  • There is a boy.

    He has brown eyes and dyed hair that was red but faded into a copper orange.

    I met him at a summer camp this year. Well. This month actually.

    I started liking him form the first day we talked. I don't know what it was. There was just something about him. Something different. Something that instantly made me want to know more about him. So we hung out every day at camp from then on. I told him I liked him the second day of knowing him. He told me he has never liked anyone properly before so he couldn't return my feelings. He told me he was sorry and said that I was amazing. Usually I would have backed off at this point. But this time I didn't. I just couldn't. So we kept talking and hanging out. We sung club songs together, and we shared our life story. Not all of it. But the most important parts. He hugged me a lot. We also had a face high five war. A face high five is lightly high giving someone on the face. Something I do to all my friends.

    The third day of knowing him, I couldn't resist. I held his hand. He didn't pull away. He just smiled at me and held on tighter. That night there was a dance party thing. We danced together. It was fun. Neither of us can really dance so it was amusing. Also I stole his hoodie a lot. He let me. It was fuzzy and super big on me. He said I looked cute in it. 

    He complimented me a lot. It made me feel special. I started liking him more and more. 2nd to last day at camp I asked him if he liked me. Maybe he only held my hand cause he didn't want me to feel bad. He said he did a little bit. I asked if he would be a thing with me, but not a relationship, because he made it clear from the start he wasn't ready for one. He said yes. I was happy for the rest of the night.

    Also at one point he had a black fox necklace on that I stole cause I liked it. The day after I stole it he said I could keep it because I liked it so much.

    After camp we kept talking on discord. Today he sent me this message when I said I was falling in love with him.

    I figured this would end up coming. To be entirely honest I'm not 100% sure what my sexuality is, I'm positive gender is not a barrier but i have never felt sexual attraction towards anyone before. I also rarely experience romantic attraction and when I do, well, so far its only been towards two people and I have known then both for years. I do feel an attraction to you like I told you at camp but I'm not sure exactly what that feeling is.
    The worst mistake I have made is leading you on and for that I'm sorry but can you really say your 100% in love with me? We both may have been open about our hardships while we were at camp but a person isn't defined by their struggles. Can you tell me what my favorite moment is? What about what I believe in or treasure most? I can’t answer those questions if you asked them and neither can you because two weeks isn't enough time to get to know a person from the inside out. You told me before that your demi sexual right? Well it’s hard to believe you could fall this hard for someone you met two weeks ago and you first told me you had feelings for me within two days of us meeting.
    I'm not one to tell you how you feel since only you can truly say how you feel but sometimes meeting someone you feel you can trust and rely on can feel like love. I'm sorry for hurting you and I'm sorry for not saying this sooner but if I don't tell you how I feel now it probably would hurt more in the future. Just because I can’t say I love you, in a romantic way, without possibly lying, as I don't know for sure how I feel, doesn't mean I don't care about you.
    Not a single word I have ever told you was a lie, I’ll always be here for you even if at the moment it’s not in the way you want. The future is unpredictable like I mentioned when you first told me you liked me and maybe I will fall for you in the future, but to be honest it would be a shame if you burdened yourself by focusing on one possibility. The future is filled with all sorts of possibilities and when you only look forward to one you miss the other great possibilities when they happen. I'm still always going to be here if you ever need to talk about anything so don't be afraid to ask ok? No thought or problem is stupid only the people who think it is.
    Now then you have better eaten today. If you didn’t I will be seriously disappointed.
    I'm mildly anorexic, hence him asking about me eating. 
    This was my response.
    I don't love you yet but i am starting to. And the reason I started liking you so soon is because I have Dependant Personality Disorder so I get attached and feel connected to people really easily. I know you can't say you love me right now. I wasn't expecting you to. That's why I didn't want to say anything. I want to get to know you better, and be able to know you fully. I feel like it's just a fantasy but one day I want to be able to call you mine. I'm not saying anytime soon.
    You told me you like me a little bit. So I have a hope that will turn into something more. I really do like you and I have never felt this willing to wait for someone before. I don't know why I started liking you so soon, myself. I don't understand it. I have actually never liked someone this much, truthfully, in this amount of time. But I really do like you a lot. You haven't led me on. You made it clear from the start that you have never fully properly liked someone, especially in such a short time. So I was expecting you to tell me the same. Which you did. I'm sorry if this puts a lot of pressure on you. That wasn't my intention.
    I am willing to wait until you are ready to be more than just a thing. I am willing to wait for you. I am more willing to do that then I have ever been willing to do anything. Like I said further up I have no clue why. I really don't. I have been trying to figure out why every night since camp, but I haven't figured it out. But you are just so different from anyone else I have ever met and I want you. But if time goes by and you figuring things out, and figuring out want you want means you don't want me I'll understand. I will be sad, I mean that's inevitable. But I won't be mad at you. I won't say you led me on. Cause you have done a really good job of making sure I know what you want and that you aren't ready for anything solid because you are still figuring things out for yourself. Do you still want to be a thing? Or would you like to just be friends until you figure things out?
    I'm starting to love him, and I really don't want to lose him, but if I did..... Well I don't know what I would do.